Debe Bloom says “It’s All Good”

Have cliches ever gotten to you? And when I say ‘gotten to you’, I mean that in a good, positive learning way. You know:

• Look before you leap  
• Hind sight is always 20-20.
• It’s never too late to turn back.
• Remember those who came before you

Recently, I learned of the passing of a friend of mine from high school. My contemporary. This on the heels of a man who I used to rock out to (with, perhaps some bubble gum), Davy Jones. This Monkee was not much older than I, and had all the comforts he could possibly want. One day he was around; the next day not.
Okay, file that information in that back of your thoughts.
Yesterday, after only a week of having an idea resurface and percolate in my mind, my husband and I drove 150 miles to check out an adventure vehicle. We have talked about getting a small motor home before, so we could take weekend trips around the area bringing our 4-legged ‘child’ without the worry of finding a pet-friendly place to stay. Problem is, both of our responsibilities limit our time away.
When the aforementioned events happen (those that might be resting in the back of your thoughts), we realized that life (& enjoyment) is moving forward, quickly. In our quick thinking, we decided now was the time to get a ‘bed on wheels’, set our price-point, agreed to buying a wi-fi set up immediately (so we never lose touch with the fast paces of social networking) and ventured up the road to check out a unit I found on craigslist.
The baby passed our first inspection. This isn’t a new model by any stretch of the imagination…not at the price I was willing to pay. Deposit check has been written and sale agreed upon (subject to smog inspection and registration).
My phone just rang. I recognized the phone number via caller ID, but couldn’t exactly place it. “Debe? Hi it’s Jack”

Oh oh….

”Did you have a safe ride home last night?”

“yes. We stopped, had some dinner and after questioning ourselves (as in ‘what the heck did we just do??) congratulated ourselves”

“Great.  I’ve been there myself.   I just wanted to let you know that I’ve made the appointment for smog testing and have an appointment at the DMV to get all the proper paperwork completed.”

Buyer’s remorse? I don’t think so. Have you ever bought something big (and when I say big, I mean either financially or space-taking) that you knew was the perfect move? Do tell….

Debe Bloom Says ‘Words Are Amazing’

You’ve probably heard that coaches change their niche often throughout their career.  I remember when I was getting my certification that I was told I would metamorphosis constantly and therefore I would constantly be changing my client base.  Little did I know it would be my client base that would be changing my niche.

 

The interesting thing about coaching is that no matter the client or the fence in their way, the same basic questions are asked.  It takes a skillful coach to be able to reach into their toolbox to find the right inquiry to help their client remove those fences, but none-the-same, basically, the questions are the same if the subject matter is about family life, personnel issues or business in general.

 

What brought all this up is that I have two contacts I am dealing with currently.  One has had the ill fortune of getting involved with the wrong person on a romantic level.  The heartbreak is monumental.  Getting this person through all the grief of letting go, of looking towards the future and the positive ‘learning spin’ that the relationship had to offer was my goal.  This continues to be a work-in-progress.

The other contact has had to put a quick-growing business aside due to a sudden (but healing) health issue.  Pulling the fundamental issues of health over money is obvious, but it is actually a catch 22; and catch 22’s can be depressing and confusing.

I made contact with both of the people this morning and my first question to both was : How are you today?  I was asking one how the health issues were while I was asking the other how their emotions were.

Same question…different meanings….all leading to Removing their Invisible Fences.  What’s your feelings about this?

Dealing with a Loss: Gaining Self

One of the things we both know is that every person is different. We each have our own tickle spots, and our own crying triggers. We each deal with stress in different ways and certainly, we each deal with our own grief in different ways. So what works for you, in the time frame that is best for you, may not work for me.

That being said, there are many who do work on the same level, do cry for the same reasons, do move forward at the same time.

I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t compare your personal story to that of others; don’t look to someone else’s healing as if the same exact process will be working for you.  Walk in the faith, however, that you will proceed in life and your life is going to be excellent.

Realize that the process has already started since you were able to empower yourself just by reaching out to learn more of who you are, where you can be going.

Each of us need to realize that we are in and of ourselves wonderful individuals with a lot to offer society. We stand for ourselves.  We each are stronger than any loss—no matter if it be someone we love, a house, a job, a relationship. We each bear the strength within to overcome any situation.  It’s up to us to allow that strength to come forward.

Have you tapped into your inner strength to Remove Your Invisible Fence©?

Networking with Debe Bloom Certified Life Coach

If you’re a subscriber to my blog, you may have read in the past that I do a fair amount of networking. I also do a fair amount of learning about social networking. My social networking coach thought I should post the following ‘after meeting’ email as an example of what real networking can offer. 

There’s nothing that warms me more than having my home filled with inspiring business women who “get it”…we are in a world that demands so much from women…and it’s obvious the we each appreciate that.  As I mentioned at the meeting yesterday, even if you cannot use the products or services that were represented at the Heart Link meeting, please keep each on your mind as you are out in your own business or personal arenas; that networking will help others grow in their business and you will become more appreciated on both sides…

We all know how hard it is to get ‘going in business’. Special kudos to Rachel Shur for creating UCAAN.org for cancer survivors.  Please consider making a donation to this organization and let’s pray that the survivor list grows.

I want to thank Carol Gerke of Pampered Chef for adding to our menu with her 11 minute carrot cake—it could have been served in the beautiful PC casserole dish it was made in—something that will be an added plus for the quickly approaching holidays.

Speaking of holidays, do you have your wardrobe ready? Do you even know what’s going to look good on you? Taking a workshop with JuliAnn Stitick would be another excellent plus, using that knowledge with Tracy Phillips of the KikaPaprika line, and then you can compliment your new outfit(s) with our Spotlighted attendee’s (Rhonda Foley) line of Cookie Lee jewelry.  And don’t forget our own Bag Lady, Mimi Crandall, to put the finishing touch on your outfit.  A quick visit to Patti Stockwell for a fresh’n up on your hairdo and walla: looking good and knowin’ it! Now that you’re all ‘dolled up’, capturing your beauty in a portrait is next: contact Bonnie Mercadante of Softouch Photo, so you can use Send Out Cards for your annual holiday greetings—Melinda Madrigal can help.

Oh boy…then it’s gift giving thoughts.  Nina Rubin brought some very clever art pieces from Electics824 that are very unique. And Beth Johnson (although she wasn’t able to attend because of back issues) has an easy way to get Wine at Home. That would save some time at the Mall…and carrying packages to your car, which can be dangerous; but not if you’re prepared with Teri McDuffie’s Women’s Self Defense course!

Don’t forget you’ll need to make sure your banking is correct without the worry of overdraft; Joan Roberts of Bookkeeping Plus to the rescue!  And that your home is clean and inviting: Call Norma Fonseca for Melaluca!  And, oh my goodness, what are you going to serve? Dream Dinners can certainly help you before, during and after; Lisa Corbett will help guide you. What better way to treat yourself to a well-earned rest but on a worry-free cruise? Ferne Ross of Free Spirit Cruise Vacations can put together a memorable package; no worries!

Speaking of no worries…how nice that would be. Money is always a stressor. If your business is in need of a makeover and you need immediate cash, Marsha Allen of Merchants Rewards Network has some solutions. If you have equity in your home, or you’re in the market for a new home, think of teaming up with RoseAnn Hill of ReMax and Dianne DeWinter of Capital Mortgage Services—talk about impressive!

If you know your business needs a boost, and you’re afraid of the advantage of free marketing online, Laurie Hurley offers a way thru it with Social Networking Coaching Club.

But, if you’re afraid of moving forward in business, in your personal life—if you have any kind of obstacle…it’s time to call me for a complimentary coaching session.  To be honest, the coaching experience is very powerful and I am getting busier and busier. As a result, I have to limit my no-obligation sessions to 20 minutes now.  Take a moment now to call me and book your appointment.

And since you have your calendar out, make a note for the October 10^th Oxnard Shores Heart Link meeting.  More information on that in future emails as well as the Joint effort Event, November 1^st…

Looking forward…..

MY Personal Best

I know you’ve had mornings like mine…when you wake up and all you want to do is lounge around in your pajamas…enjoying another cup of coffee and wallowing in the fact that you do have the choice, no matter if you are a entrepreneur or you work for someone else. 

Or..you could put on your workout clothes, socks ‘n sneakers and head out for your morning exercise.

How many times have you had to really push yourself to get moving?  My morning, this morning, was just like that.  I had to push myself.  So, without further thinking, I dressed in my sweat clothes and put on my exercise shoes, grabbed my iPhone that banks some fast paced music and I headed out.  Why?  Because I’ve set a goal for myself.  You see,  I’ve pulled out my Life Coaching ‘toolbox’ and applied what I know, what I share with others, to myself.

Today, I thought, I would add another long city block, another 1,000 steps to my walking routine.  I’ve been thinking about increasing my walking goal for a few days now and today was the day.  Besides, a change of routine is always welcome.

Needless to say, I accomplished that mini goal.  In hindsight, it was easy.  More importantly, it was gratifying and exuberating .  Had I not been able to finish what I set out to do, I would have learned a little more about my physical self.  But what is truly amazing, is that I learned a lot more about my personal being.

I attribute this mini success to two things: what I know as a Life Coach and my weight loss accomplishments that help keep me active.

Are you able to succeed with goals you set for yourself, no matter how big or small?

Time for Self-Evaluation

When was the last time you sat quietly and took inventory of yourself?  Doing an analysis of

*who you are,

*what you have accomplished,

*what current issues you have to deal with (good or those ‘invisible fences’),

*how you deal with those issues,

*who is in your current activities and the benefits that come from those relationships

can add clarity to your next move, whether it be in your business world or your personal life.  When we are able to objectively look at ourselves, we can then have a better idea of who we are, where we are going, what goals we have accomplished and which ones need to be established.

Sometimes it’s hard to be objective when looking inwards.  Being able to talk with a friend about your issues can be beneficial, but then again, a friend may not be totally honest since hurt feelings could come between the friendship.  Having a non-bias person to talk to would be an excellent source.  From the International Coach Federation, these statics were published when an audience was surveyed about their feelings when working with a coach:

 

• 67.6% had a higher level of self-awareness
• 65% had smarter goal-setting abilities
• 60.5% indicated that they led a more balanced life
• 57% had lower stress levels
• 53% were able to do self-discovery
• 52% had more self-confidence
• 43% felt they had an improvement in the quality of life.

If your preference is to self-evaluate, be sure to take the time to write down your thoughts, organize your goals, and decide when your goals will be met.  And, the toughest step: be sure to hold yourself accountable. If you’re able to do this, you will find increased value in yourself and your life.

One question that can start you on the path of self-inventory:  Are you the kind of person who can bring value to others as well as yourself?

 

 

The Challenge of Adult Children Parenting

I was watching a YouTube video recently about obesity in our children and how the children are concerned about their future. One young man, probably about 11 years old, stated that he didn’t want to die before his mother.  Ping! A pain went to my heart.

Not very long ago, I was very concerned that I was going to outlive one of my children.  It scared me ‘to death’ (no pun intended).  I have done an immense amount of grief work in helping others  deal with a close loss; going thru it again on this level was not something  I wanted to even imagine.  Adults in their own right, with their own ideas,  careers, friends, family, I truly had no say in their life.  But, I am still their mom with motherly concerns.  Many years ago, I expressed my thoughts about governing them for the last time and since that moment, I did not go back on my word: I kept my thoughts to myself about their health issues, unless I was asked (which I wasn’t!).  Needless to say, I remained concerned.  Miles then separated me from one of my children and I just recently made a visit.  My heart sang out so loud because this young adult took matters seriously and took charge of  the weight issue.  I am so proud, so relieved, that weight is no longer a concern for this adult child of mine. Eating right and exercising is now an every day routine.

My point here is not to beat my own chest about my child, since I didn’t do anything.  Its actually about beating my own chest    because I did nothing! Being the parent of the adult child is the hardest stage of parenting I’ve experience.  I’ve searched for reference material on the subject and it’s few and far between.  I find this odd since this is the longest stage of parenting that any of us will experience.

What makes this a difficult level is that if the adult child wants the parents’ advice or help, they also want to retain and maintain their own independence.  I can’t imagine a parent ever wanting to take that away from the adult child (there are benefits for the parent not to).  Staying a parent at an arms distance, after years and years of having ‘hands on’ parenting, is a challenge, especially if maintaining a good relationship is of importance.

I know I have done a fair amount of ‘lip biting’ when dealing with my adult children.  If you have an adult child, what are your best means of parenting them?

The Brain is a Muscle–Treat it Right!

Being in a state of flux causes more anxiety than making a wrong choice.  If making a decision that doesn’t prove itself to be the best move, chances are you can always do an ‘about face’, reverse your thoughts and pivot towards a better move.  It’s usually the in-between phase that puts your mind in a place of ill-ease, the place of “Teeter-Totter” Land.

The reason is because the brain is a muscle, and like all muscles, if it is flexed too much, it can get tired.  The constant weighing of the situation not only creates anxiety, but can also tire you out physically.

I spent an entire six months pondering if I was going to go to work for a particular person.  I was on my own personal emotional Teeter-Totter not because of the position I was being offered; it was something that I not only knew how to do, but that I really enjoyed.  Rather, this was a personality issue and something deep inside of me was blasting out warnings.  For six months, the potential employer called me once a week to see if I had made up mind.   Every night for six months I would go to sleep asking myself “what am I going to do about this job?” and every morning I woke up asking myself “what am I going to do about this job?”.  I ended up taking the position and four months later, I gave notice of my intention to leave the position.  I should have paid attention to my inner warnings.

So, aside from making a choice that would cause obvious bodily harm to yourself or another, can you think of something that you cannot make a decision on that cannot be reversed?

Celebrate and Breathe

About ten years ago our country lost thousands of innocent, hard working men and women.  Children lost their parents; brothers lost their brothers; twins lost twin siblings; parents lost their children.  And, Americans lost their security.

For all of these past ten years, each and every year, our lives have changed.  Many people keep ‘an eye’ over their shoulder wondering if their safety is in danger.  Schedules have been changed to meet new security standards in transportation facilities, large attendance arenas, etc.

History had been made ten years ago.  Not a pleasant thing for our children and our children’s children to learn and study, but history, regardless.

And history was made again this past week where the most wanted man in the world was finally tracked down.  This man was the responsible person for the killing of so many—not just Americans, but those around the world.  This man, who had plans to kill so many more, who refused to surrender when asked, who allowed one of his wives to be his shield, was himself killed.

The people in the world have reacted in jubilation.  And what I am reading and hearing now from others is that our reaction is uncivilized; that dancing and celebrating a person’s death is wrong.  I’m not so sure that those who have voiced their minds in this manner really recognize what is being celebrated.

It’s not of a death of another human being…It’s the death of our fear.  Yes, we still have to be careful since there are many followers of the evil soul who no longer walks this earth, but it’s a beginning of chipping away at the last 10 years of insecurity and for that, we are allowed to celebrate and we should celebrate.

Life creates…

…so many reasons for us to make adjustments each and every day. With all of those adjustments, how does one stay within the boundaries of their commitments?

The other day I was going for my morning walking exercise –something I try to do daily. It’s a perfect time of day for me…early in the morning the air is so fresh; I can hear the ocean crashing on the sand and listen to the birds planning their attack for their breakfast. This time of day is MY time…I get to do something for me.

This particular morning, I saw a man walking towards the beach. He was wearing a bathrobe, slippers, his Hebrew prayer shawl (tallit) and was covering his head with his towel. Judging from the tallit, he appeared to be an Orthodox Jew. One of the commandments that needs to be observed each and every day is that his head needs to be covered, which is typically done by wearing a small hat known as a yarmulke or kippah. Since this man was headed towards the ocean it was apparent that his kippah would clearly be lost to the sea, and so he improvised. He kept his commitment by making an adjustment.

Doesn’t that bring to mind commitments that we each make and because we stumble upon a small obstacle, instead of finding a way to adjust, we just eliminate it? Exercise, paper filing, socializing, paying bills are some things that immediately come to mind.

How many times have you thought about getting on the treadmill for an hour, but a phone call comes in and interrupts you—or the dog wants to be fed—or the kids break into a fight…so you eliminate the treadmill completely? Making an adjustment to perhaps getting on the treadmill after the call for ½ hour in the morning, and then picking up the other ½ hour of time at the end of your day would probably make you feel better, about yourself and your commitment.

The point is, there are ways to honor your commitments to yourself, to others, and deal with the obstacles that come up. All it takes is some creative thinking…maybe like wearing your towel on your head!