Debe Bloom Knows Bittersweet….

If you are talking about art, Wikipedia defines Bittersweet as a medium brownish reddish orange color.

If biology is more of your conversational style, then you’d be pleased to know that bittersweet also refers to a vine in the nightshade family, some other vegetation of vines and, also, a family of shellfish, known as bittersweets or Dog cockles.

As an adjective, however, it means  both bitter and sweet:  expressing contrasting emotions of pain and pleasure.

I know that there are many circumstances where people experience both the sweet and the bitter.  Maybe even the bitter brings out more sweetness.  Actually, I do recall my Rabbi in northern California sharing a drash (sermon) of how a bit of bitterness in our lives makes the sweet so much sweeter.  Tonight, I felt a sharp bitter-sweetness.

A prize possession of mine, my 1969 VW Westfalia van conversion, a vehicle that I have so many fond memories of; that I cared for with the tender love of a mommie with her 6 month old baby; that I nurtured, bathed, dressed and refurbished and drove with pride was placed in a new home.  That was the bitter part.

 

 

 

The sweet part is the home is that of my son.  I know he will care for this van; it is something that he has longed for for many years.  As a matter of fact, he had the van once before when he needed a vehicle and he loved it.  It’s time for him to love it again, more, and deeper…and share it with his family.

Logically, I know this is probably the right thing to do. The reason why I decided to re-home the van is that living at the beach was starting to show on it’s body.  But wow! Bittersweet to the max!

Life carries so many situations that can be about opposite emotions.  Can you recall your latest pain and pleasure emotional event?

 

Celebrate and Breathe

About ten years ago our country lost thousands of innocent, hard working men and women.  Children lost their parents; brothers lost their brothers; twins lost twin siblings; parents lost their children.  And, Americans lost their security.

For all of these past ten years, each and every year, our lives have changed.  Many people keep ‘an eye’ over their shoulder wondering if their safety is in danger.  Schedules have been changed to meet new security standards in transportation facilities, large attendance arenas, etc.

History had been made ten years ago.  Not a pleasant thing for our children and our children’s children to learn and study, but history, regardless.

And history was made again this past week where the most wanted man in the world was finally tracked down.  This man was the responsible person for the killing of so many—not just Americans, but those around the world.  This man, who had plans to kill so many more, who refused to surrender when asked, who allowed one of his wives to be his shield, was himself killed.

The people in the world have reacted in jubilation.  And what I am reading and hearing now from others is that our reaction is uncivilized; that dancing and celebrating a person’s death is wrong.  I’m not so sure that those who have voiced their minds in this manner really recognize what is being celebrated.

It’s not of a death of another human being…It’s the death of our fear.  Yes, we still have to be careful since there are many followers of the evil soul who no longer walks this earth, but it’s a beginning of chipping away at the last 10 years of insecurity and for that, we are allowed to celebrate and we should celebrate.

Out of My Control

I am safe….I am warm…I have eaten the appropriate amount of food for the time of day. I’ve hugged my priceless dog and I’m preparing for my children to come over for dinner. I’ve washed my car and I went to the bank.

And I feel awful and guilty.

I feel awful and guilty that I am conducting my life as I should, and yet an entire country has been literally turned upside down, uncontrollably by an act of G_d, an act so devastating that the number of bodies lost has not even been quoted; the number of lives changed will never be counted.

What can we do in a land so far away that our only offer of help is financial? My desire to reach out and wrap my arms around those who need support, need a blanket of warmth, is overwhelming; my ability to do such is nil. The devastation, therefore, reaches even those who are not there…but it proves we are connected.

Thousands of miles away, all I can do is watch the newscasts; read postings from those who are there and are able to get to the internet; pray for healing and recovery. That is all I can do.

This is a time that I need to accept what I cannot change.

Up Hill Climb

It seems that I do my very best thinking when I take my morning walk. I am alone and I can choose to listen to the wild birds as they flock together in search of their first meal of the day….or concentrate on the captive birds as they chirp and sing to wake up their household.

Since I always leave the house with my earphones, I can also choose to listen to fast-beat walking music or continuing education recordings. As my day to day moods change, so do the choices I make.

I walk for many reasons. To be with myself and appreciate the person I have become is on top of the list. There are other reasons:

 to be away from the daily grind;
 to exercise;
 get some fresh air;
 be one with nature;
 meet my own personal fitness goal;
 say hello to the neighbors;
 get some ideas on front-yard gardening, etc etc

During my walk one morning, as I was heading back to my beginning spot, I realized that, instead of having my chin up and looking forward, I had automatically tilted my eyes to the place where my feet were about to step. I was caught off guard when I realized what I was doing automatically. I force myself to looked up and saw that the block I was walking on was a hill—upwards.

Without being conscious, I avoided what could have been an intense mental challenge. All I could think about now was one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Don’t look up, just move forward.

Naturally, those thoughts took me to thinking about how I was able to move forward after losing my twin. ‘Don’t look up; just move forward’. It took me a little bit of time to put this together, and then I realized how the months and years were my baby steps towards my healing path. Moving forward—I know it’s a really good thing. I know that I never need to be ‘over it’; I don’t want to be. I only wish I had known then what I know now so my forward would have been that much sooner.

It’s the end of May…

Memorial Day weekend.  A reminder that summer has arrived.  Just a few days ago we had dreary, wet skies and “jacket climate”.   My community was wondering where summer was; where were we living, since the weather was not behaving the way it was supposed to behave at this time of year.  Today, just a few days later, it is a balmy 85 and cloudless sky.  Mother Nature came thru for us once again so we can celebrate the long weekend in the sun.

What a shame that when we have problems we have to take action to get them resolved.  It would be so blissful, if we could just wait it out and let Mother Nature take over and deal with our issues at hand.  Unfortuantley, that only happens in fairy tales or in our adolescences –not in the real world as adults.

Avoiding our delimnas,our problems, is not the answer since it doesn’t’ get a person very far.  Trying to find employment won’t be resolved by waiting until an employer comes knocking on your door;  Building your business won’t happen if you choose to watch television or go swimming during your normal working hours.  Altho I am a huge proponent of taking care of ourselves with quiet time and excerise, I also belive that none of us have Samatha’s magic nose that when we wiggle it, our dreams come to be.

Everything that we are involved in requires our attention and our efforts, to stay lateral or to improve.  It’s when we don’t pay attention that our arenas start to collapse.  In today’s economy and flavor of political strife-with oil spills that swallow up lives and livihoods-people losing their homes and security, now more than ever we need to look deep within ourselves and pull up the strength that each of us has; that each of us were taught; that each of our forefathers fought for us to have.

On this Memorial Day Weekend, as we honor ourselves in the extended time off of work, it is also the time to remember why we have the time off and work hard each day to honor those who have fought on our behalf.

 And the sun will shine for all us, no matter what the weatherman says.

How do You Know When it’s Time

…to end a relationship, whether it be with another person or a job or an organization?

After years of volunteering in one particular position (and when I say years, I mean almost a decade), I had to take a long, hard look at how I was producing my volunteer position-and I needed wide open eyes. I recognized that the ‘fire in my belly’ had subsided to a very small flicker. I questioned myself: “Was this giving me the same gratification as it did nine years ago?” And with that answer, “How could it be serving the people I needed to reach out to at all?”

I made the decision to step down from my ‘job’. This was not an overnight thought; on the contrary. It took me six months to deal with the idea after I recognized what was going on! Once I noted that the level of my enthusiasm was at a brick wall, I let that thought simmer for a while. After all, this decision I was toying with did not just incorporate my life and a couple of people; it potentially would touch hundreds of people.

During the next six months, I did some analyzing of where the ‘loss’ began. I identified issues and statements. I heard from others and absorbed their thoughts. I dealt with defeat on some issues that touched me deeply while I also was proud of others that were successful. No, this was not an easy decision.

My final analyzation came when I put myself in the position of new people coming into the organization and I would be their first contact. How would I feel if I reached out to someone for support and what I got back was not very much? This thought alone, push me over to my decision making.

And so, after nine years, I surrendered my title and position…and only moments after I did, I felt loss…I felt alone….and a tiny piece of regret. But, things happen for a reason, in the time span that they are supposed to. My decision happened and my relief of pressure, only a few days later, is a big, deep sigh. With that said, I am in the midst of creating a new position for the organization to see if I can still be of service, but at a different level.

I am not sorry that I made this move. This is what I needed to do for me; for others. It was the right decision. And from this action, there is hope that something good will be produced to help others get the support they need. The point is, even though you may have to look for it, with loss there is hope….

I’m Am Torn…

Devastating, heartbreaking…I’m in bewilderment and feel the pain of loss for the people of Haiti. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be living life one moment, with its struggles as they knew, and then the next minute have lost everything, including loved ones. I cannot imagine.

And my heart screams out to help, somehow, someway. Yes, I’ve texted my contribution in a couple of times and I watch intently as the death toll rises.

I want to do more, but-honestly- I’m torn: I work indirectly with the homeless. When I travel, I bring home and save the hotel guest toiletries and donate them along with clothes/towels/bedding to local agencies to help people in my own town. And I do my financial contribution to them, as well as cancer fighting agencies, firefighters, military, etc. And now, I am torn.

I know I am not alone in this query. I have talked to friends and business associates who are on the same fence. We have so much in our lives; homes, food, water—even our pets are well cared for (as they should be). It goes beyond the necessities—technology has provided us with computers, phones, HD television, movies, cars, etc. etc. And yet, when I try to consider what I can do to help others in other countries, I am torn…we are torn.

It has touched my soul to see how Israel has sent medical troupes to help the people of Haiti, and I’m sure other countries have done what they can as well. I know that the US has stepped up, as we always do.

However, I don’t believe that I can personally provide aide to everyone. The economy of our own country has affected us all, including me. So, I need to be wise in how and what I donate. I feel that my duty is to my countrymen, first. I realize that thousands of people from the US have stepped up to help the people of Haiti in a huge way and others have done what they can (even small donations add up).

I am going to find peace in knowing what I donated to the Haiti cause came from my heart. I am going to find peace in knowing that my prayers for the Haitians are for solace. I am going to find peace in my faith that there is a greater plan. And, I am going to find peace in continuing to help my own neighbors.