Debe Bloom on The Ying and Yang of Life

January is an emotionally hard month for me.  It is the month that I acknowledge the passing of my dad.  Harder, it is the month that I hold with pain in my heart for the loss of my twin sister.

A friend of mine is off to downtown today.  She is going to spend it with her sister.  This is bittersweet for me.  Obviously, I’m wishing I was able to spend time with my sister…and I’m thrilled that she’s able to share time with hers.

I took my husband to the airport shuttle this morning.  He’s gone for two weeks (again). I treasure my time alone; my own space.

A friend of mine (who I’ve dealt with online thru an organization for those who have lost their twin siblings) told his friends that he had to make the painful decision to ‘pull the plug’: his wife suffered an aneurism just 8 days ago and went into a permanent coma.

I am incredibly proud of my daughter who has made her own life in a vibrant city….hours away from me.

I learned from social media that my own daughter was in the emergency room a couple of nights ago—seriously? On Facebook?  I guess she’s all grown up now.

There is, without question, ups and downs in our lives; good and bad. I told my friend who had to make that painful decision that I was in awe of him. It’s the truth; I am.  It takes strength and courage to take that action.  His loss is overwhelming, yet it’s so fresh, he hasn’t felt the depth of if yet.  I am still in awe.

There is only one lesson in this writing: be appreciative and enjoy life, no matter what path it leads you on.  Make each day count. Know that there is a Ying for each Yang.  This brings to mind that great quote of William Purkey’s:

Dance like no one is watching

Sing like no one is listening

Love like you’ve never been hurt

Live   like heaven is on earth

A Special Kind of Person

Recently I attended a marketing conference.  It was chockfull of information, with speakers and of course their pitch for their products.  Each brought to the stage an incredible amount of knowledge based upon their own experiences, both professionally and personally.

Some of the speakers’ messages were solely about their business and although they were excited about what they do, I question as to whether they were speaking from their heart.  Others spoke on a personal level, bringing authenticity to the front.

One speaker, in particular, touched my soul.  He did not have a product to sell; he did not try to pitch the audience in anyway to bring out their credit cards.  But, his message, for me, was the loudest.  His question was:   Are we our body or are we our mind?

We each are so golden in many ways. I have a business associate who is amazing, inside and out. I’ve often fantasized that if I could find a genie in a bottle, I would ask to be on the same level as my associate…on the outside. I like who I am on the inside and what I can share with others.  But, does the shell make the person?  Are we our body or are we our mind?

The speaker at the conference, Zack Weinstein, has a story to share.  For the first part of his young life, his future plans were amazing.  Entertaining others as an actor, dancer & singer was his focus and attending the appropriate schools was on his horizon.  In 2006, an accident put a ‘bump’ in his road which ended him in a wheelchair.  Instead of giving up, he has adjusted to his situation and is sharing his message.

{{Take fifteen minutes and ‘meet’ Zack:  http://youtu.be/rQ0TZ6cxMZM }}

I applaud Zack for taking his life situation and moving forward with it to help others.  His lesson is deep and it is amazing that he shares his very personal issues with audiences.  The lessons that he has to teach others are beneficial, warm, tender, deep.  He clearly shows us that we can Remove Our Invisible Fences. I tip my hat to Zack for being open, honest and willing.

And the question remains:  Are we our body or are we or mind?  And, now that I’ve asked you that question, how are you going to utilize it?

The Here and Now

I’m analyzing my life, many facets of it, and comparing how I deal with each part.  What I’m noticing is that no matter what the issue is, I tend to have the same routine for each.

For instance, I have a weight problem. There. I said it.  As if I didn’t know this before.  A year and a half ago, I had a much larger weight problem.  I have been successful in taking poundage off and keeping it off.  I had finally found a system and some products that have helped me greatly in the actual loss of the weight and the maintenance of the weight loss.

Another instance:  I had another huge loss in my life, of a different kind, over a decade ago and every day I ask myself the same question: “Why?”.   This loss deeply hurts, yet I also think it is what defines me today.

On my day-to-day life, I stumble upon many issues, whether it’s with my significant other, a problem a friend is having, or maybe something to deal with my adult children. Sometimes, it seems like I’m attracting a meteor shower of issues.

As I look at this abbreviated list, and look inside myself to see the commonalities of how I process each facet, it’s apparent to me that while I hold my own self-value high, I take one step at a time; one day at a time.  Preplanning to solve future issues that may arise has no purpose since we cannot foretell what is coming towards us.  This, however, is far different than setting goals and cannot be confused.  Where setting goals, something to strive towards, allows us to be the Captain of our own Ship that we want to head towards the destination we are aiming for, dealing with issues that arrive on our deck is just a part of traveling towards our goals.

When it came to my weight loss, I took one step at a time (literally) concentrating on each day as a single unit, knowing that my end goal would be down the road a bit, but never clinging to that longer term goal.  Dealing with my grief, most definitely, was and is, one step/one day at a time—for as long as I need since there is no end-target for dealing with a loss.  Each issue that comes crawling across my path, I tend to deal with it slow and easy, one step at a time.

It is the here and now that I think and solve each issue for.  I think this allows for less aggravation, less disappointment, and smaller mountains to climb.

What single method have you found that you can use to deal with your issues/problems throughout the platforms of your life?

Celebrate and Breathe

About ten years ago our country lost thousands of innocent, hard working men and women.  Children lost their parents; brothers lost their brothers; twins lost twin siblings; parents lost their children.  And, Americans lost their security.

For all of these past ten years, each and every year, our lives have changed.  Many people keep ‘an eye’ over their shoulder wondering if their safety is in danger.  Schedules have been changed to meet new security standards in transportation facilities, large attendance arenas, etc.

History had been made ten years ago.  Not a pleasant thing for our children and our children’s children to learn and study, but history, regardless.

And history was made again this past week where the most wanted man in the world was finally tracked down.  This man was the responsible person for the killing of so many—not just Americans, but those around the world.  This man, who had plans to kill so many more, who refused to surrender when asked, who allowed one of his wives to be his shield, was himself killed.

The people in the world have reacted in jubilation.  And what I am reading and hearing now from others is that our reaction is uncivilized; that dancing and celebrating a person’s death is wrong.  I’m not so sure that those who have voiced their minds in this manner really recognize what is being celebrated.

It’s not of a death of another human being…It’s the death of our fear.  Yes, we still have to be careful since there are many followers of the evil soul who no longer walks this earth, but it’s a beginning of chipping away at the last 10 years of insecurity and for that, we are allowed to celebrate and we should celebrate.

Bitten…

Doesn’t it seem, sometimes, that you’ve been bitten by the Dark Cloud bug?  When everything in your world feels like it is crumbling under your feet and you just don’t know how to stop it?

That’s the feeling I was experiencing earlier this week.  It seemed like everything negative that could possibly happen, was.  And of course, my head experienced the spinning sensation; my heart – the racing sensation- my sleep, the awake sensation…I’m sure you know what I mean (although, I truly hope you don’t!).

What I neglected to bring into my thought pattern strongly was all the positive things that I have in my life.  My spouse is an unbelievable friend…my adult children have been huge supporters of mine….I am blessed with friends and a brother-in-law who has always shown love and concern…and my faithful dog who gives me that unconditional love, no matter how many times I leave her in the car (with air and water of course)!!

So, even though there are many fences that are putting up blockades in my current path, I also have an enormous ‘pavement of positive avenues’ ahead of me.   The process I needed to develop is listing out on paper (so I can clearly see) my positives and then set my action plan for the “bugs that have bitten” me.  Once I develop the action plan, those fences will come down and I will continue to move forward.

Now, I normally wouldn’t put my personal life out on the internet like this, but just making this simple list of goals really lightened my shoulders:

My positives:

Spouse

Daughter

Son

Friends

Bro-in-law

Julee, the dog

Health

Integrity

           Bug One: Finances

           Create a budget

Bug Two: Downsize Home

Decide on lifestyle

Decide on area

Decide on cost of new home

Find a new home

Start purging one box at a time

Decide where to store ‘stuff’

Contact storage yard

Start making trips into storage unit.

            Bug Three: The Move

           Contact moving companies for bids

           Decide on date of move

          Decide on date of garage sales

         Put ads on Craigslist for stuff for sale

         Try to get lots of sleep before the Move!

Bug Four: Post Move

Set bed up…set bathroom up

Organize kitchen

Then, unload 3 boxes a day.

If you are feeling overwhelmed with being Bitten by Bugs, I encourage you to grab some paper and a pen and start simplifying all of your to-dos into mini-lists….and then take a deep breath and move forward!

The I in Family

Life has so many ups and downs, twists and turns.  Our world, the economy, politics -, peace (or lack thereof) is a constant reminder of how we each have to strategize our daily lives just to keep moving forward.  It is a blissful thing when we have family we can rely on to support us, as we support them.

When your ‘family’ is made up of blood relatives, in-laws, step-family, or incredibly close friends that would do ‘anything’ for you, a person can actually wallow in the goodness of relations.

But what happens when family turns their back and you are left in what seems a world of emptiness and confusion?  What happens when your perception of those members who you consider your ‘family’ do not return the feelings?  Being wounded is not a comfortable situation and perhaps doesn’t do well for someone’s self-esteem, self-worth or confidence.  All of a sudden, the ‘warm fuzzies’ are gone.

So, what does a person do with those emotions of ”lack of value”?  It can be hard to get over the pain of this kind of loss. Here are my suggestions: 

Make a list as to who you know you are.  All of those great attributes that make up the person you are, are incredibly important.  Seeing them in black and white is equally important, so start that list! 

Have you had a chance to ‘sleep on it’ before you’ve made any moves or decisions? 

Can you see the issue from the other side? Does it make sense to you? 

Have you thought about if the action really did take away your value as the person you are, or does that negativity actually belong to the one who caused you the pain of loss?

If the initial action has caused a string of further actions, creating different issues, it’s very important to keep these separate and have very clear and separate thoughts.  Mounting them together will only be an exaggeration of the true picture.

 One thing is for certain; the most important person in your life is you.  As long as you can maintain your own value for yourself, you’ve won!  Remember, no one can ever take you away from you.  So with that in mind, having a very clear understanding of who you are, all the great things you bring into not only other people’s lives, but yours– your own true value—you become your own best friend.  And when it’s all said and done, we are, after all, the only ones that can truly take care of ourselves.

I’m Am Torn…

Devastating, heartbreaking…I’m in bewilderment and feel the pain of loss for the people of Haiti. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be living life one moment, with its struggles as they knew, and then the next minute have lost everything, including loved ones. I cannot imagine.

And my heart screams out to help, somehow, someway. Yes, I’ve texted my contribution in a couple of times and I watch intently as the death toll rises.

I want to do more, but-honestly- I’m torn: I work indirectly with the homeless. When I travel, I bring home and save the hotel guest toiletries and donate them along with clothes/towels/bedding to local agencies to help people in my own town. And I do my financial contribution to them, as well as cancer fighting agencies, firefighters, military, etc. And now, I am torn.

I know I am not alone in this query. I have talked to friends and business associates who are on the same fence. We have so much in our lives; homes, food, water—even our pets are well cared for (as they should be). It goes beyond the necessities—technology has provided us with computers, phones, HD television, movies, cars, etc. etc. And yet, when I try to consider what I can do to help others in other countries, I am torn…we are torn.

It has touched my soul to see how Israel has sent medical troupes to help the people of Haiti, and I’m sure other countries have done what they can as well. I know that the US has stepped up, as we always do.

However, I don’t believe that I can personally provide aide to everyone. The economy of our own country has affected us all, including me. So, I need to be wise in how and what I donate. I feel that my duty is to my countrymen, first. I realize that thousands of people from the US have stepped up to help the people of Haiti in a huge way and others have done what they can (even small donations add up).

I am going to find peace in knowing what I donated to the Haiti cause came from my heart. I am going to find peace in knowing that my prayers for the Haitians are for solace. I am going to find peace in my faith that there is a greater plan. And, I am going to find peace in continuing to help my own neighbors.

Striking Out

Recently I had a client who was dealing with a true case of mistaken identity. Not through any legal avenues, however, but through an organization he was deeply & emotionally invested in. Although the subject is still in a pending status until all facts have been reviewed, this client has been banned from communicating with others in the organization and in doing so, has been deeply hurt to the point of his life being very disrupted. (I’ll refer to the client as Sam.)

This brings to mind a ‘big’ question: How do we continue our life as we knew it/want it when some issue has put up a huge barrier in our way? For Sam, his life came to a complete and blunt stop. He wasn’t able to work, to create, to leave his house: he wasn’t even able to open his mail. For him, the walls felt like they were crumbling beneath his soul.

It took weeks for Sam to settle down and take deep breaths. Through it all, we talked—for hours and hours. Sam was able to surround himself with a positive, supportive team—people who believed in the man and knew what he was being accused of was incorrect.

As part of my coaching process, I had Sam obligate himself to me that he would go back to his exercise program…a little at a time. Remember, he was so deeply hurt that he couldn’t leave his house for two weeks. So his promise that he would get out of the house and do something he liked to do was ‘huge’…and when he was done, he texted me to let me know. And he did the same on day two…and day three….and so on.

Sam felt better about himself. He realized that he was back to caring about himself and taking care of himself. I’m proud of Sam….but it brings to mind a very important thought:

No matter what happens to us in our life, we can only depend on ourselves to take care of our self.

In these economic times that we have endured, watching the stack of bills rise and the income dwindle; hearing all the negative news stories of children being kidnapped, fires destroying homes and lives, families losing loved ones, and maybe some striking out at others…we each, individually, need to get centered, take a deep breath and continue to move forward as we take care of our own self and believe in our own self.

And, if you don’t feel strong enough to do that on your own, it truly is in your best interest to reach out for help from someone else to help guide you through the tumultuous times.