One Month Beyond

We are coming up to a month since I had to make the gut-wrenching decision to set my sweet little doggy, Julee Rose, free.  It’s not been easy.  I’ve made it a point to fill my days with activities to keep my heart from ripping out of my chest…and although some of the activates were centered around preserving the memory of Julee, it has been helpful.  Or so I think.

The day I searched and found the perfect rose tree…the golden orange blossom with yellow centers, and the perfectly matched pot, I received the most extraordinary gift from a long time friend & neighbor.  He had a tile made with Julee’s image on it; something that will sit nicely in the pot at the foot of the rose tree.

A few days later, a package came in the mail from another friend who lives across the waters….she had read my previous blog about sleeping with Julee’s blanket and had a pillow cover made with Julee’s picture on it.  Such a wonderful thought.  (Not to miss mentioning the many gifts of donations in Julee’s memory that will go to help other furbabies that are ‘in need of’…her memory does live on!)

My little furry friend certainly has great tributes that surround my home.  And yet, when I go outside to water the garden and talk to my fruit trees, I fall into such a state of sadness.  My heart misses my Julee to such a deep degree as my mind envisions her basking in the sun in her favorite places, or following me around the yard.

A part of me has reasoned that Julee came into my life as a rescue to fill a small place in my heart that needed to be filled. And she did that so incredibly well—her job was fulfilled.  But over the course of the eleven plus years together, that small place grew to an extraordinary size as we bonded into the friendship we had.

I have already looked on rescue websites for doggies that need a forever home.  Our home needs to be completed by the being of a doggy—and yet I need to agree with my son as I don’t think it’s the right time.  I need to honor the relationship I had with Julee.  I often asked her “what would I do without you?”….even asked her that as recent as 2 months ago….

I still don’t have the answer…

A Hard Good-bye

I woke up this morning with my arms wrapped around her blanket, my head resting on it…my face nestled in it.

When I got out of bed, the habit of concern and love continues as I looked over to where her bed was, where I would find her sleeping every morning…of recent anyway

Julee, Jules, Ju-Ju, Peanut, Face, Ju-Ju-Bee, My Doggy, My Baby, Monkey, Julee-Woolley, Ulie, Ules, Muppett, Sweet Thing, Daddy’s Girl —she answered to all of these names that she was given by me, by her ‘dad’, by her sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces.  She was one of those very special beings that everybody could & would love.

She had a face that you would either think was adorable — or just the opposite.  But her soul was her gold piece. She was always available to share her heart.  To people-big and small, to (most) other dogs, to cats, to birds!, and Guinea pigs. She never said no to anyone or anything.

Julee Rose—her name was a gift all by itself. When I decided to get a furry friend, it took me months to decide that I wanted a Pekingese -the breed I grew up with.  After another couple of months of searching for a dog that was being rehomed, i thought it just wasn’t meant to be. I looked one last time and there was the posting. After making arrangements to meet “Judy”, (who was impossible to house break) I spent about 6 hours chatting with my son trying to figure out a new name for Judy that a doggy would easily respond to.  When I met the woman who was rehoming the 1 year old pup, I was told her name was Julie & I found out we would be her 5th home!! I took Julie sight-unseen. No dog deserves to be pushed around so much:”the Peke Stops Here”, is what I was thinking.

On my way back to my office, Julie  became  Julee in memory of my sister. And a mile or so later, after calling her Julee Bloom, I gave her the middle name of Rose.

Six weeks Julee went to my office with me. She loved running ahead of me to the elevator, got in each morning and when we got to our floor, she would run ahead of me and bolt down the hall to our office door. When I needed to go to the bathroom, Julee went out first. She even had her own bed in the office, her Cleopatra bed!  Julee was always in the company of people–& never had a housebreaking issue.

She was my friend. My daughter. My sister. My babysitter. Her daddy’s relief (since his business takes him out of town & out of the house a lot). She was my charge–the reason I got out of bed — the reason why I was responsible at 5pm.  She was my dolly as I bathed her..brushed her..walked her. And of late, tended to her medical needs.

She was my hobby and my concern: my child (albeit furry) and my partner. My play toy and my silent voice of reason.  We travelled together by car, plane and boat. We hiked in the mountains and in the desert. We walked the neighborhoods and sat quietly on the sand.  We visited friends and romped in the park.  She was my lifeline.

We filled a void for each other.   And now my sister, my baby, my friend is gone.  I know she knew I loved her—I don’t know if I ever showed her how deeply it went.

Julee Rose Bloom—my yellow rose

September 10,2003 – February 26, 2016

Part 7 of The Adventure

Ahhh….two nights at the Kern River in spring with the rapids beckoning slumber…pretty amazing what is offered to us.  The serenity of the river while fishing; the stars at night glistening down; the fresh air and the birds that challenge the thermals.  I so appreciate nature.

 

Since this was a vacation of forever changes, it was time for another change.  Instead of trying to find another campsite on the Memorial Day holiday weekend, we decided to cross the width of California to the west side and take Highway 101 south to Los Osos, making a stop at one of our favorite wineries.  Just so happens they were having a barbeque and country music concert, so away we went.

 

We followed the Kern River down off the mountain and then hooked up with Cayama River.  I’m not sure who has said that we are running out of space…there was so much open land en route, it was mind boggling.  The small town of Cayama had a sister city:  that offered up a gas station, church, eatery…and some delicious fresh cherries that the local pastor was selling.  We continued to follow the Cayama River which turned into the Santa Maria River which led us to the town of Santa Maria and Highway 101.  Mind you, the RV ran wonderfully.

 

When we reached the winery, the wind picked up.  A chilly wind.  We bundled up with our jackets and the new blanket we had gotten just for the MoHo and went to listen to some fun tunes, but after an hour of the wind creeping thru our protection, we decided it was time to head on south to fight the holiday traffic.

 

The odd thing is, we didn’t encumber any traffic.  It was smooth sailing all the way home.  We were tucked into our (other) bed in our (other) home, safe and cool.

 

And yes with confidence, we are indeed, already in the planning stages of our next Adventure!  Wouldn’t you be?

Part 5 of The Adventure

The day is here.  Dog food for Julee has been packed as well as her brush and treats.  Breakfast at home has been completed and we’ve locked up the house.  Engine started in our ‘new-to-us’ motorhome  and off we go running the few errands we needed to do before leaving town for a 10 day period and finally we are on the road.  First stop: Camping World to see what, if anything we have forgotten.  I was reminded how warm it gets inland as we approached the store and lucky for me there was no argument about bringing Julee in.  After our new purchases were made, and placed where they would call their new home, we headed out again and this time, our destination was Mesquite, NV.  We phoned ahead and made reservations at an RV campgrounds and then headed east towards the Mojave Desert. 

The further east we went, the hotter it got.  By 6pm, it was unbearably warm that when we put on the air conditioner, the RV wasn’t exactly throwing out cold air…and as a result, the engine reacted.  So off went the air condition.  Feeling sorry for the poochie, I grabbed a towel and put some water on it and wiped her down in hopes it would cool her off.  Her panting told me otherwise.

A little after 7 pm our engine was letting us know that it, too, wasn’t liking the heat.  In its own way, the MoHo began to pant, and pant…..and pant until finally, 7 miles east of Baker, it stopped, dead.  We waited alongside the road for about 40 minutes giving the engine time to cool off and when we tried to restart it, it wouldn’t.    Oh boy….nice start to a vacation.

Our only alternative was to call our newly issued AAA insurance.  A tow truck came at 9:30pm and asked us which way we wanted to go: back to Baker (population 1200) or Las Vegas (population: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas).

We all have choices to make each day, each hour.  Have you recently had a choice to make that would determine having some fun verses just ‘getting the job done’?

Part 4 of The Adventure

Having to say good bye to something you love and admire is often quite sad.  Today was no exception: my VW van was being relocated to my son’s home.  The fact that the van was not only going to be at my son’s, who would care for it with the most love any man can have for a vehicle, it came to him at a time when his sleeping pattern needed it the most—working nights it allowed his family to ‘carry on’ a normal life while he got his sleep in the VW camper during the daylight hours.  Nice, right?

With the final decision resting on my sons expertise of buying a motorhome or not, we took another ‘short’ drive up the coast for 3 hours.  Turning the corner to where the beast was parked awaiting our arrival,  even from afar, I heard  ‘If that is the RV, you got yourself a good deal, Mom’.

After introductions between my son and Jack were complete, we did our look-sees around the unit, checking out as much of the mechanical apparatus as possible and before I knew it, I was driving the RV back south towards home.   Sweet ride, even tho we were only going 55 mph.

On the way home, we got closer to our final plans for our very first camping (read RVing) trip)—Zion and Bryce.  Excitement filled my veins.  All I could think about was the amazing photos I was going to be taking…satisfying one of the many pleasures I have in life (viewing nature thru the lens of my camera). The next two months were spent in getting the MoHo (our loving family reference) prepped the way we would like it:  new tires, new flooring, oil change, systems operation lessons (thank you Scotty, our neighbor!).

Food shopping, toiletries, clothes…dialing it all in for our comfort and maiden voyage.  We were very excited.  Part of the fun of an adventure is the preparation for it…don’t you agree?

Part 2 of The Adventure

After digging deep into my soul, I decided that it was time to relinquish my 1969 VW van conversion to my son who I knew would take very good care of it.  The van has become a family heirloom and my son was going to be the recipient of it anyway, so why not now?  I agreed to give it to him under one condition:  He help me find a RV motorhome to replace it (as if anything could replace my Van2C!).

Agreement in place, I started searching for a motorhome that fit my requirements: need a bed at ground level – very important since climbing up a ladder or pole-vaulting when I’m tired is not part of my list under fun activities…nor is falling off a sky-high bed in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.  Ah, and speaking of the bathroom, privacy, please.  I/we insisted on a private area to take care of our business—nuff said.

Basically, those were the two top priorities.  Anything else that came with the unit would be cherries on top., except for the size.  Given the parking space we had to put this newcomer in, it couldn’t be more than 22 feet.  Let the games begin!  Besides knowing what my budget was I was ready for a good, long hunt.

I started looking on Craigslist.org.  Wow! Everything listed was so far away.  I can’t believe that no one in my county was interested in selling their RVs.  This must be the exactly perfect thing to buy since no one wanted to sell theirs.  I obviously had to reach outside of my immediate area;  made contact with one guy who told me that he has the most perfect RV for me…that I must hurry, hurry, HURRY to see it that night (man, it’s 7pm and you live 2.5 hours away and there’s traffic and if it’s so perfect, why  hasn’t it been sold?).  I opted to listen to my inner self and back away from this deal of the century (even tho the seller had a set of twins—I had to remember that this had to be a smart business deal and not an emotional one!)

Have you ever bought something using your emotions and then realized, oops! Not so good?

The Adventure

The following is Part One of a Series of Blog Entries…

Well!  I/we recently came back from an adventure.  Really.  Sitting here now it feels like it was years ago, but in fact it was only last week.  Not sure where to start this story, so, relying on an elementary school teacher’s advice, I’ll start at the beginning:

Many years ago, I was given a 1969 VW van conversion.  What that means is the vehicle came over from Germany in 1969 and in 1970 it was converted to a camper van (Westfalia)  This didn’t happen too much so the van was special and I held it close to me for the last 30 years or so.  During that time, my son pined for it and there was a point when I was about to hand it over to him, but then I just wasn’t’ ready.  About six years ago, I decided to restore this sweet vehicle, although our use of it was minimal.  But our vow was to take it out on Sundays, join other VW enthusiasts and enjoy the ownership of such a sweet unit.  Needless to say, that didn’t happen; not really.

Let’s fast forward to a more current time.  We are now living at the beach and have lovingly put the VW under a cover in the RV storage lot and go visit it often, start the engine, wash it…sharing the love.  That, apparently, was not enough to keep the rust from coming back and showing itself almost as tear stains on the van.  And every time I saw a new tear stain, I produced one of my own, internally.

Sharing the emotionally sadness with my son, his one statement was “isn’t it time you gave me the van, mom?”.    I froze in my speech.  Is now the time ?

I felt torn at his statement. My love for the vehicle that I painfully kept clean and organized obviously had an emotional tie to my soul.  I love this van; it has so many memories for me.  It is in my last will and testament that my son gets the van, but is that time now?

What would you do?

Bloggers Unite!!

If you are a blogger, have you ever noticed that your most brilliant ideas to blog come up when it’s not an opportune time? My social networking coach urges everyone to carry a pen and notebook around to jot down notes when moments of brilliance occur; unfortunately, my moments happen when I’m either in the shower or driving or in conversation with someone face to face (we’ll call that multi-tasking, okay?) And then, when I repeat the thought over many times in my head, when I actually sit down to produce an interesting article, like magic, it’s gone. Or worse…when I do manage to make a note and go back to read it, I can’t make ‘heads or tails’ out of it!

A marketing coach who’s bootcamps I have attended in the past encourages the writer/blogger to just sit down at the keyboard, put on some music, and type just one sentence—and then watch out for the waterfall. When I try that method, it feels like my initial subject matter gets under the current of that waterfall and starts following the rapids downstream.

So, here I sit, pondering on all the I-wish-I-could-remember thoughts I had that I wanted to share. I’m not going to stress out about this since being a Confidence Coach, I know that wouldn’t be productive. Instead, I will stay comfortable in the fact that my thoughts will resurface when they are supposed to and hopefully I will have a keyboard under my fingers at the time.

Have you ever had the same sort of experience?

Debe Bloom ‘s Fortune

I think one of the best parts of going out to eat for a Chinese dinner is the fortune cookie at the conclusion.  Not only does it signify that the meal is over and the memory will linger, but it also is the fun insight to what your future may hold, albeit, I’ve yet to meet anyone who has ever told me “my Chinese fortune cookie was right!!”

There’s also that clever addition that I know of that some people have attached to the end of the fortune.  Now, my blogs are intended to be ‘G’ rated, and my preference is to keep it that way.  However, to make my point please allow me this one side-step.  If you add the phrase “in bed” at the end of your Chinese fortune cookie statement, it brings a whole different meaning to the table.  But, I digress.

I recently needed a lift to my day and I was counting on my fortune from a fortune cookie.  I grabbed my cup of tea, and made my choice of which cellophane-wrapped crunchy I was going to rip open, crack in half and, as always, read my fortune before crunching into the not-incredibly-sweet treat.  Eyes open, mind ready to absorb and future on it’s mark to blast away…. “Knowledge is power”.

What?

Is that a fortune?  No, it’s a statement.  Knowledge IS power.  This is uncanny.  This is the exact conversation I was having with a long-time girlfriend of mine.  My question to her was “if you could change just one thing in our young adult lives (individually) what would it be?”  She easily turned that question back to me and I was forthright with my answer:  I would have changed my course of education.  I would have reached higher, dug deeper, and expected more.  Mind you, I don’t think I did too badly for myself; I just would have done different.  Knowledge is power.

And yet, I don’t think this simple statement is simple at all.  Think of it.  As long as we know ourselves, we have power. Each of us needs to hear my mantra:  Stand in Your Power.  Utilize the confidence that is rightfully yours.  Know your Power.  Know Your Confidence.

Are you able to tap into your power, your confidence,  as needed? Or do you have times when your confidence plays hiding games?

And after you’ve answered that question, what do you think about the not really “G rated” statement?

Debe Bloom thinks Clutter Can Be Important!

I started this year with the forward movement of learning as much as I can. Growth is so important to me and giving myself the platforms for that growth is equally important.  So I recently attended a four ½ day marketing bootcamp that was jammed pack with information.

One of the first tips that I received was that productivity comes from having a clean desk. Anyone who comes into my home knows that I’m pretty organized and orderly.  Everything has its place and I put things back where they go immediately, almost to a fault.  Except.   Yes, except my desk.  That is the one area that I allow my, shall we say, creativity to flow. (Read: papers to pile, Knickknacks to accumulate, etc).

My first promise to myself was to clean my desk, purge what I could and start fresh.  As I was going thru things, I found a bag of old keys.  Thrilled to have stumbled upon the original set of keys for my vintage Volkswagon van, I also found a barrette that belonged to my twin sisters’ neighbors daughter.  I have Planet’s barrette….and then a flood of memories came back.

Memories of  Valentine’s Day parties, and carob tree pods. And the time we took our kids to Descanso Gardens or visiting during the holidays and being entertained by the dancing that birthday celebrants do.

The thread between Planet and me is pretty thick, although our lives are years apart, on many levels.  My twins’ best friend was Planet’s mom.  Planet is the same age as my daughter. Planet’s sister is the same age as my nephew.  Planet has two gorgeous girls that are the same age as my son’s.

Yes, indeed, the thread travels thru us and I wouldn’t have realized all of this or have had the opportunity to reminisce about those precious memories, if I hadn’t kept Planet’s barrette amongst my clutter.  Some things are better left piled up.

Is there something you have always wanted to de-clutter but realize its more important to leave it alone?